Team - Personnel write up

GK/Striker/Att. Mid/Def. Mid(Papasoh) - World class goalkeeper!Decent Striker. Unproven Att./Def. Mid.... Unbelievable versatile player who can play almost anywhere on the pitch but have preference for "lazy positions" such as GK and Striker.Rumours has it that he turned down Man City's 750,000 pounds per week wages. Thats why they can now afford Kaka! His strengths are handling, shot stopping and fucking good reflexes. However, he is prone to the occasional errors such as letting the ball slipped past under his "big" body and misjudgement of long shots! Outside the penalty box, he is known for his short bursts of runs (lasting approx. 5 secs) and his vision and link-up play, packs a powerful header too! Has occasional tendency to execute bicycle-kicks ...that missed the ball!!! Lacks stamina and pace! So far there is no other member(s) in the team that can even match 40% his GK abilities(much to his dismay) and thus he is an indispensable member(actually only one GK la) of the GK department! Currently on the downward trend in terms of skills and ability due to the fact that there is no challenge(boring..yawns!), too much fast food and of course the fact that he is contemplating retirement due to old age and injuries. It has been noted that he jumps 2 metres less nowadays vis-a-vis his hey days! {Special Move(s): Professional Time-wasting / Deadly Overhead(bicycle) kicks}

DR/DL(Lusty Seng) - Cultured right back! Proven at the left back position as well. It is significant to note that Man U's scout has published a report submitted to Sir Alex that noted Lusty Seng to have the potential to be as good as or better than Gary Neville. Why Lusty?? well, that's for another report not suitable in this team Personnel write up.....Anyway, Seng must have been the team's most capped DR. He possesses an undying determination to improve his game and this is what makes him so valuable to the team. His constant improvement to the game's knowledge and in gamesmanship(such as tickling opponents's balls , poking their arses and cheating referees) have contributed greatly to the team. Somehow he has the tendency to have lapses of concentration during matches (now you know why he is called lusty...the night b4 ...you know....:)??) and sometimes appears lost in thoughts. However, the good thing is he also have short bursts of fires when he dribbles all the way into opponent's penalty box and test their keeper's reflexes. So in all he's quite balanced a player who carries out his duties faithfully. Currently on the up-trend in terms of skills and ability. Certainly one to look out for in the near future! {Special Move: Cheating more than 1m when taking throw-ins}

DL(Thief Jie) - Triangle plate left back! Just out of Melwood's training academy and so dun expect too much from the "youngster". Has shown great potential in his matches so far although his number 1 ability still lies in plundering, thats why he's Thief Jie. His strength lies in his ability to clear balls at impossible angles, sometimes putting sepak takraw players to shame! Recently, he is modelling after Delap's long throw but somehow he still cannot get his footwork right thus the foul throws. His lack of tactical awareness is in fact a bonus to the team because in his anxiety, he tends to clear the ball using the "anywhere will do mentality". This in fact has contributed to numerous important clearances that diffuses dangerous situations and allow the team to re-group. Lacks pace but makes up for it by keeping opponents by his side like his girlfriend - close marking. It has been noted that opponents sometimes still turn around and check if he is still around, long after the match have ended!!! Overall, he is a fair player who has recently gave up his multi-billion badminton career and join us in the games. Currently on the up-trend in terms of ability and skills. {Special Move: Sepak Takraw styled clearances}

DC/Striker (C-cup Chao) - World class centre back! Unproven Striker! Chao must have been one of the team's longest serving DC after his professional playing career....in front of his computer!! Rejected offer of contract from Raddy Abrahamovic cos he thinks he'll rather play computer games than waste time playing for Singapore. His experience plus game reading ability in the position can be seen in the nonchalant way (just another day what!!) he carries out his duties. Strong and hard tackling style and seldom loses out in physical battles (cos of his additional C-cups???!!!) Has recently perfected the art of "Howitzer 88mm" clearances to the delight of fans and teammates alike. Not only does these clearances relieve the pressure on the defence, it has resulted in numerous defence-turned-attack situations! Also known as a good header of the ball.Solid, no nonsense defender who seldom makes mistakes but lacks a bit of pace and has been noted to be slowing down due to rapid intake of oily and meaty stuffs. Recently debuted as striker and have managed to create a strong physical presence in oppositions penalty box - by putting 3/4 ball of his C-cup!!! Overall, he is an important 1st team player, also rumoured to be the "dai to lau da" of the DOTA gang. Currently noted to be on a bit of a downwards trend in terms of ability and skills (need to cut down on fatty diets!!). {Special Move: 2-step powerful goalkicks/freekicks}

DC/ML(Quick Feet Kenny) - World Class centre-back! Competent left midfielder! Another long time central defender besides C-cup. Fans and teammates are in awe of his speed he changes pace and his recovery. Often the man to clean up the backside of his partner in crime, C-cup, with whom he has had great understanding with(perhaps forged by the countless hours of DOTA gaming, sometimes into the wee hours of the morning before match day??). Also rejected the invite to join in national team training because his buddy needs a DOTA partner online!! He just knows when C-cup will lose out to opposition's striker and will appear out of nowhere to "sweep" up any mess! A hard-tackling right-footed player who has an equally strong left foot. A consistent performer who seldoms have any errors thats why he's voted the players' player of the year. Maybe sometimes you can see a bit of over confidence when he mis-kicks or when he totally fluffed his simple clearance. Has played on the left side of midfield with ease but lacks confidence to take on opponents and bring the ball to the by-line. Also known for his predatory instincts in attacking corners, seems to know where the ball will be. Has scored a few goals due to this positive attribute of his game. Strong header of the ball who seldoms loses out in 50-50 headers. Perhaps he can try to be more assertive,by hooking the ball into the air and play papasoh some backpass with his head, in dangerous back facing strikers situations.Has established himself as an important 1st team player. {Special Move: Lightning speed burst and recovery}

DMC/DC(Wayang Quan) - World class defensive midfielder! Rusty centre back! Has held the DC position in his younger days but was promoted to the Def.Mid position for his ability to read the game and snuff out defence-splitting passes. Protects his back four superbly with his no nonsense tackling and presence in the air. Has the abilty to bring down the biggest of opponents with his body charge and winning 50-50 situations with his "lan-pa" spreading "ka wei" (chop positioning) stun. Also provides defence splitting passes(a few times only) with his vision and assist in the strikers built up to goal. Used to be packed with pace and stamina and was one of the sprinters in the squad but currently unable to complete his 2.4km IPPT run within 45 mins!! Was dropped by the Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts(NAFA) for poor results in Theatrical Studies and thus decided to bring his "talents" to the pitch.Recently, paparazzi photographers have noted that he frequents the house of Golden Horse Award winner Tony Leong Chao Wei for personal one-to-one closed door sessions of acting(wayang) lessons. However, he certainly did not live up to his mentor's name and reputation by displaying disappointing acts of falling to the ground with the slightest contact(sometimes no contact but can be seen flying 5 metres in mid-air!!) Often, referees have no choice but to blow the whistle to stop the game.....to laugh....before regaining composure and carrying on with the game. Another point to note is his recent tendency to grab his leg and fall to the ground...no...this time not wayang....but real....CRAMPS!!!! An important first team player nevertheless whose importance is often overlooked. Currently on the down trend in skills and ability and makes more mistakes nowadays!! {Special Move: "Diving" with an incredibly audible 'arrrggghhhh' that can be heard two blocks away but earning the team free kicks in the process!!}

MC/Att.Mid/DC/Manager (Capt Sparrow) - World class midfielder! Proven Att.Mid, Incompetent DC, P-plate Manager(zonal reputation). Capt has played in various central positions but the midfielder role seems to be his best position to date. In his younger days, he plays as a DC but currently is suspect with his ability as a DC due to old age and his beer belly( Raising up his hand and calling for offsides seems to be part of his game when playing as a DC now!) An all round player, he has the stamina to join in the attack and drop back to defend when necessary( mostly for 65 mins of the game only!). Has the ability to spread play to the wings with his vison and produce one-touch defence splitting passes. Occasionally, when fired up, will lead by example by running around and closing down opponents in a bid to win back possession. Has the knack of scoring long range shots by hitting the ball first time. Notable technique and ball control skills. However, he tends to fade away as the match wears on and you can almost always find him within the centre circle after the 70th min of the game. Likes to intimidate the referees for the team and have tendency to hack down opponents in pursuit of personal vengence - at the expense of the team!! Has poor team management skills and likes to tinkle with the squad (like the one Rafa Benitez he supports), especially after our team has just taken the lead or are holding on to slim advantagous positions. Has a poor concept of time - often ask substitutes to warm up and get ready in 5 mins but bring them on 25 mins later!!! A highly over-rated player whose absence is of minimal disruptions to the team(we won most of the matches when he's not around haha!!) Currently on the down trend in skills and ability due largely to frequent clubbing, alcohol abuse and expanding beer belly. Totally in sync with rich,spoilt and arrogant, well-paid footballers whose after training and match hours are spent at clubs and bars and in the company of high class social escorts! Paparazzi have spotted him in the vicinity of Changi Village's 'bapok' square in search of new and novel ideas of fun, after he declared that he feels numb in the presence of beautiful escorts in last month's Playboy interview!! { Special Move(s): Accurate first-time long shots! / defence splitting killer balls / Flapping at the ball!!}

Att.Mid/MC (Alam Alvin) - Tireless midfielder! Alam is held in high regards for his tireless work in midfield. His covering of the grounds during matches far exceeds what Dirk Kuyt did at Liverpool. He is a reliable midfield player who seldom makes mistakes and can be depended upon when the team needs him. Before his injury and subsequent operation, he is known for his mazy runs and head-turning dribbles but this has been toned down after his operation. Currently plays in the hole behind the striker and has a knack for scoring first time or long range shots. Maybe his only weakness is his inability to provide aerial threat in the attacking third (but thats not really his fault!!) Alam still has the ability to open up the opposition with his accurate passes and vision and the occasional direct run at opponent's defence. Does not have any real weakness to note.Takes over the captaincy whenever Sparrow is on leave and has done a fine job so far. Likes to dribble from left to right in search of teammates and often looks for the killer pass. Has good technique on the ball and reads the game well. Alam is a consistent performer who seldom have off days which is why he is well-liked by team mates and fans alike. {Special Move (s) : Pin-point passing / Direct run at oppositions' defence}

Att Mid RLC (Jackie Chan a.k.a Rooney) - Cultured Attacking Midfielder who is adept at playing across the midfield from left to right. He is the team's main supplier in terms of crosses and cross field pass. Rooney has the ability to spot spaces behind the defenders and make accurate through passes. Has a good technique on the ball and likes to take on defenders to the by line before letting loose his crooses into the box. He is also the main man who is responsible for the team's direct free-kicks. Has scored many goals from such situations although it must be noted that this has been decreasing with age! He is also in charge of taking the corner kicks of the team for he can really whipped in the ball and cause problems for the oppositions' players. Overall, he is a talented player that is valuable to the team. However, he is also notorious for his short-temper and his knack for "screwing" opponents who tries too hard to stop him in his dribbles. Likes to give a very "pissed off" face and yells at over zealous opponents....sometimes at the Ref too!! He is the only player to be sent off in the team's history for petulance towards the referee. Recently, after being too close with Wayang Quan, he has picked up the habit of going to ground with an audible "arghhh" but showed a bit more convincing power by shouting angrily at the opponents. Referee are mostly taken in by his yelling for they think he is really hurt by those tackles. {Special Move(s) : Deadly free-kicks / Cross field passes / Arguing with referees and opponents!!}

.......unfinished article.... will update when have time later....